The Fear.

I want to start this first blog post with a link to my fabulous friend Christina Zini’s blog and her post “Mother’s Day Unspoken” (posted May 8, 2015).   She talks about miscarrying on Mother’s Day (seriously) and how it changed her.  In case the link doesn’t work:  http://shedreamsbig.com/blog/

Her line “In losing my first child, I also lost my innocence as a mother” resonated with me.  If you have experienced a miscarriage you will recognize “The Fear”.   Once you have had a miscarriage, pregnancy will never be easy.   I can’t relate with my girlfriends who walk into an ultrasound happy and excited to see their baby.  I only know The Fear…of no heartbeat, of something wrong, of the baby’s life gone.

I am that person who will be fearful for my friends until that fateful 12 week ultrasound, during their 10 km hikes in 25C + degree weather uphill, during their step class and everything else.  And if you are one of those people who are pregnant and don’t know why I am fearful for you…google it or click the link. And God help you.

It isn’t that these future mothers don’t care, they do – but they just don’t know The Fear.  They haven’t had that hellish moment of silence when the ultrasound tech leaves the room to “get the doctor”.  When you know exactly what has happened but you can’t quite believe it.  When someone tells you in a soft voice, “I am sorry…”

The Fear.