Do we stay or do we go? 

I don’t know what to do about our new newphew. The one that’s a month younger than our rainbow baby that didn’t make it. 

I think social convention dictates that we have to go and see him.

They live a 6 hour drive away and we are out of vacation time so we have to fly. That’s $600 right there. Not that we don’t want to pay it – but we don’t. That’s a lot of money for a 1.5 day trip. 

We also aren’t close with them. The brothers aren’t close and we have almost nothing in common as a couple or individuals. They are very one-dimensional people and they lack authenticity in their communication and we just don’t connect. 

Oh and we haven’t been invited – but that’s not a surprise. It’s very likely we will have to invite ourselves regardless. 

So my question is this – how long is too long?  What’s the social norm for visiting an immediate family member’s baby when they live out of town and you aren’t close? All advice appreciated. 

  

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6 thoughts on “Do we stay or do we go? 

  1. Well, I don’t know how much I ever cared about social convention. However, my first question is….do you actually want to go? If not, then give it a few months until the baby is a little more interactive and the “newness” has worn off. When my first niece was born, I think I waited until she was several months old before really visiting…and it was fine with everyone. I don’t think I visited my second niece until she was close to 9 months old. And, I’m just about to meet another niece who is almost 3 (they live across the country). So, I think this all depends on what you feel most comfortable with. Just my two cents!

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    1. Rain nailed it for me. If you don’t want to go, don’t, especially if no invitation was extended. Having guests might not be what the family wants/need right now. Also, social convention? Do you really want THAT to dictate how you behave in life? I don’t.

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  2. Like the comment above, do you want to go? I didn’t meet my niece until she was almost 9 months, and my bro and gf were fine with that. Thats a lot of money and travel time to spend on someone your not really close to. Maybe you could send them a gift by post which im sure they would like more? And send a note saying you cant wait to meet them in at christmas or something? Xx

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  3. When my daughter was born my half brothers didn’t come down from Edmonton to see her. They waited until we drove her up at Christmas (the next scheduled visit) (so she would have been two months old). I would say if you go up there once or twice a year then it can wait until those usual visits. If they don’t make a visit to come see you then they won’t expect you to go see them. xoxox

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  4. I don’t know if there is one right answer. I think if you normally don’t see each other, it isn’t odd to wait until the next time you’re seeing them anyway. If you normally do see each other, I usually wait a week or so. But in the second case, there would always be an open invitation on the table. Whereas when there isn’t an open invitation on the table, I wouldn’t feel comfortable inviting myself. But that’s me.

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  5. I agree with the others. If it’s going to cost a lot, and you have no vacation time, then I’d just postpone it till you feel a) you have the time, and b) you feel you have the emotional ability to do so. I don’t think you need to rush to see the baby at all. You need to protect yourself right now. Besides, I’m sure the parents have plenty of people fussing around them at the moment. You have the rest of your life to get to know the baby. No need to rush it right now if you’re not feeling up to it.

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