BFN aka Tell Me What I Don’t Know

Clinic called yesterday and to no surprise of mine, the test was negative and I am not pregnant.  I told them I had my period but they insisted on the blood test anyway. Super.  Thanks.  Why don’t you tell me something I don’t know?!

I sat and waited for my ill-fated pregnancy while my SIL gave birth to a baby boy.  I got my period on her due date.  The irony of this is not lost on me.

I am alternating between shock and anger.  But just a little anger because as soon as it comes I block it out of my head.  I think about ANYTHING else.  Because I know if I let it, it will take over.  It will be all encompassing, black-out hysterical rage and sadness…and I just can’t handle that right now. I have a job (literally, my full time one) to do.  I have to keep functioning for now.

For now.

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4 thoughts on “BFN aka Tell Me What I Don’t Know

  1. I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s an awful pain and although distraction helps at times, it is a very hard thing to process. I wish you healing and peace through this difficult time.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So sorry, it’s just awful… but the reason they do it is that bleeding may have other causes, such as ectopic, so they need to be sure (it doesn’t help you much but thought you might want to know they’re not just torturing you for no reason). I hope you can find peace. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

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