Would you tell?

It’s that time when the latest crop of Infertility bloggers I follow are now pregnant. This is the second time in my four years. Seems to be that it happens in two year cycles. Another blogger recently wrote about feeling isolated and I can relate to that.  It’s a definite feeling of being left behind.

What I have noticed of late is that these bloggers are posting their news (in this instance, none are anonymous) at 5 and 6 weeks. They are even arranging events to surprise and tell their families.

It’s reminded me that there is a difference between the infertile community and the infertility+repeat pregnancy loss community.

After 3 miscarriages, a BFP would be exciting but is no longer an event worth telling the world about. It’s the start of an even harder and longer wait. One that has yet to end in heartbreak.

I admire their optimism and in some ways, naivety, at their the belief that the hard part is over. When I see those early announcements every part of my body hopes that’s the only one they have to make.

I know there is a belief that you should celebrate and enjoy being pregnant even if that’s only for 6, 7, 8 or 9 weeks but I don’t think I could do that anymore.

What about you? Would you tell? When?



3 thoughts on “Would you tell?

  1. I’m with you on this. I wouldn’t be announcing until I’m in the second trimester- although I felt like this even before my first loss because statistically I knew the chances.
    I made it to 9 weeks before I learned the baby had stopped growing with my first pregnancy, and I’d still only told one person other than my husband. I don’t want to have to deal with heaps of people when I’m grieving.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I told when I was over 5 months along. I wasn’t fooling anyone — I was pregnant with twins — but I didn’t believe that all was going to be fine. Even after I told, I didn’t speak about it much and everyone understood my feelings on it. I feel like I missed out on a lot of joy, but I needed to do what I needed to do at the time.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. With my first, I didn’t announce. But I had to tell when the ectopic meant that I couldn’t travel as planned for Christmas. My second, the following Christmas, I announced to close family – they wanted to know why I wasn’t drinking wine! I was only five weeks, and normally wouldn’t have chosen to share. I knew that there was a chance that I would lose again, and so my announcement was very low-key and cautious. Given that it was my only ever chance of an announcement, those few happy days are a good memory. I don’t think my grief at the loss was any more or less for having told. So I am a believer that joy should be taken when it is offered.

    But I also think that this is a very private time, and that no-one should feel they should share unless they are ready. I was extremely private about doing IVF, for example. We all have our limits – they’re just different, depending on our own unique circumstances.


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