*Warning: language alert* If you are offended by swearing, don’t read any further but do read this article.
Goodbye 2015. I fucking hated you and you were the worst year of my life.
2015 was filled with loss – not just our angel babies but also family members and friendships. It was a year of immense heartbreak.
There were issues, challenges and changes at work and the latter half of the year saw the constant worry of layoffs.
There were situations with our families in various forms that tested the relationships and while some have survived, others have not.
Our circle of friends has struggled too – with layoffs, family issues, illness and more. Consequently, we have struggled with how to be there for them when we are barely managing to look after ourselves.
Our vacations, Christmas and New Year’s were all tainted by “what should have been” or by the miscarriages happened days before we left.
We both hit rock bottom. It took different forms but for me, 2015 broke me. It beat me down and 2015 has changed me. I feel as though I no longer have the mental strength or resilience to manage anymore. I received a kind note from a former colleague who was sorry to hear of our recent challenges through reading our blog. He said “You’re a light to all those who know you…a spark plug of energy, and it is infectious.” I laughed out loud. I barely remember that version of myself and I doubt anyone would say that now. How sad.
Please don’t be one of those people that comment and say “be thankful for what you have” or “there had to be some good things that happened” or “at least you have your health/job/insert something you think I should be grateful for”. You didn’t live my life and I didn’t live yours. Of course there are people out there who are suffering and who have it “worse” than I do. My hubby and I chose to deal with that by giving very generously to the organizations that help those people and we have made a point of doing so this year.
But their problems don’t make my problems go away and it doesn’t change the fact I still hate 2015. It was a terrible year.
Tomorrow will bring a new year, a new day and some new revelations and resolutions.
Until then, 2015 you can kiss my ass good-bye.