I have been thinking about this post all week as Christmas draws closer and it gets harder each day. It seems that a lot of people don’t understand how or why Christmas would be a hard and unhappy time for two people who want but don’t have children and who have had two miscarriages this year alone.
I am a planner and the minute I knew I was pregnant with the last one I checked how far along I would be at Christmas so that I could start to plan what we would be doing. Which means as Friday draws near all I can think about is the fact that I should be 8 months pregnant and making Christmas dinner. Chances are anyone you know who experienced a loss this year also knew exactly how far along they would have been for the holidays. Or how old their baby would have been. That makes it hard.
It’s also hard because another year is ending. The end of another year marks another year of TTC over and nothing to show for it other than heartbreak and depleted bank accounts. It’s a loud reminder of time passing. It’s also when people like to say irritating things like “I am sure 2016 will be your year” and you are forced to smile and nod when really you just want to scream “actually it might not be! It might never be, don’t you understand that?!” Smile. And. Nod.
It’s also a time when everyone joyfully looks forward to a new year. But not those of us with recurrent pregnancy loss and infertility. There is not a lot of hope going into a new year when nothing is in your control and the odds are working against you.
It’s hard because this is kid season. If I hear one more person say “Christmas is really for the kids” I think I will scream. But “kid everything” is in your face. At the malls, on TV – there is no escaping it.
But what’s hardest is that this is when family traditions are made and honored and you are faced with the cold reality that you don’t have the family you thought you would to build traditions with and maybe you never will.
This article was very timely for me on Mind Body Green and I think that people with infertility and those that love them will find it interesting: 9 Ways To Deal With The Holidays When You’re Experiencing Infertility